Sharing and Encouragement
The following sharing are adapted from the message board of Christian Miscarriage Support Group. I thank the ladies who love me and encourage me even though we don't know each other before. All the names shown below have been changed.
The words in Black are my thoughts and questions. The words in Blue are the loving reply of the ladies, they comfort me a lot and let me know that I am cared. The words in Red are encouraging words which can comfort all wounded hearts.
Sharing
1 : I miscarried again
Sharing 2 : Does it worth to try again?
Sharing
3 : Depression seems coming back
Sharing
4 : Unanswered Prayer
Sharing
5 : Should we do the blood tests ?
| It is very painful to type the word "again". I miscarried in October, 1999 and now on 5th April,2000, I miscarried "again". I am deeply hurt and lose all my confidence. It seems that I will not conceive another baby successfully in future. I do not want to be hurt again and again. It seems to be my fault to plan to have a baby. If we do not have such kind of silly decision, those continuing traumatic experience would not happen again and again. I am so sorry and depressed! |
| My prayers are with you. I hear so much pain and sadness in your message and I am sorry that you are going through such a terrible experience again. Don't blame yourself, the miscarriages were not your 'fault'. I pray that you will be able to find strength and healing and that the Lord will bring peace to your heart. Don't give up on having a child. Have your doctors given you any indication as to what may have happened? There are women here who have had several miscarriages and then gone on to carry a pregnancy to term. I understand how tough it is to lose a baby but don't give up hope. I am praying for you and your husband. God Bless. |
| Thanks a lot for your comfort. But you are right that I give up "hope". I think we cannot not avoid any traumatic experiences, like losing health,life,etc. But we can avoid miscarriage by not pregnant again. It is too horrible that not only my husband and I are deeply hurt. It hurt my career, my family ( mom, father, etc.). It seems that it doesn't worth to take the risk again. God seems too far from me. I am very lonely and I can't feel any love or care from Him. I have my follow check-up after the D&C operation. My doctor said I am not recovering well!! Quite desperate! Many people tell me to have a detailed body check-up to see whether there are any problems with us. But if I will not pregnant again, I have no need to do such kind of blood tests!! It is too hard for me to go to church to see too many new born babies and pregnant women. I feel very sorry about all I brought to others!! |
| Dear Heavenly
Father ,
Please be with Ching and her husband right now as they face this difficult time. Help them with their sorrow and ease their pain. Show them your great love and compassion, they are hurting so right now. Give them the strength and hope to go on and to accept your will. If it be your plan, give them a healthy pregnancy and a beautiful baby to love. Give understanding to those around them so that Ching and her husband will receive support from them. GIve them wisdom to make decisions thoughtfully. And above all wrap them in your loving arms, heal them and keep them close to you always. In Jesus' Name, Amen |
| I'm so sorry about your babies. I, too, miscarried my first two children in 1995, and I feared I would never have a baby I could hold. The doctors encouraged me by saying, "Well, at least you have no problem getting pregnant." But that didn't seem like such a good thing at the time, since pregnancy kept ending up so badly. We had lots of testing done and they found nothing wrong. By God's grace, we conceived again and had a beautiful healthy boy. Nothing is impossible with God. More importantly, you can trust in His love and sovereignty, no matter what the future holds. (His grace towards me has not changed, even though He has given us another miscarried child.) Just cling to God, and pour out your heart to him. (I was encouraged by the Scripture which talks about Hannah pouring out her heart to God, so emotionally that the priest thought she was drunk. What was she praying about? She longed for a child!) We can go to God like Hannah, and pour out our hearts. I know He will embrace you as a father embraces his wounded child. He loves you. He's waiting with His arms outstretched. |
| Thanks a lot for your comfort. I am sorry that you also lost your first two babies. But I feel that you are so brave that you conceive again. I don't think that I can bear such kind of traumatic feeling "again". It is too impossible to hurt ourselves again. I think we cannot not avoid any traumatic experiences, like losing health,life,etc. But we can avoid miscarriage by not pregnant again. It is too horrible that not only my husband and I are deeply hurt. It hurt my career, my family ( mom, father, etc.). It seems that it doesn't worth to take the risk again. God seems too far from me. I am very lonely and I can't feel any love or care from Him. I have my follow check-up after the D&C operation. My doctor said I am not recovering well!! Quite desperate! Many people tell me to have a detailed body check-up to see whether there are any problems with us. But if I will not pregnant again, I have no need to do such kind of blood tests!! It is too hard for me to go to church to see too many new born babies and pregnant women. I feel very sorry about all I brought to others!! |
| I just want
to let you know that this is not your fault.
I know it is natural to blame yourself. But I have told many of the ladies
on this board this same thing: There is no way that you could have controlled
this! You could have done everything wrong and still had a baby (look at
all the druggies on the street having babies after babies). Or you could
have done everything right and this still could have happened (remember
the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel--she was very fit to be a mother).
God is only giver of life. This most likely
happened as a result of living in a fallen, sinful world. But what Satan
means for evil, God will always turn for good. Let
Him turn this tragedy into something wonderful in your life.
Here are some verses to help you. They are my absolute favorite in times
like these: Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28, Romans
5:3-5, James 1:2-18
It is normal to feel that God is far away right now, so try not to be too hard on yourself. Just try to read the Psalms and talk to the Lord a little bit on a daily basis, even if you only tell Him you are feeling far away from Him and such. Keep the lines of communication open because the Lord is the only one who can get you through this. I think it is probably too soon after your loss to make decisions about whether to try again. You should really give yourself time before making a final decision. And in the meantime, it wouldn't hurt to get checked out by your doctor because you may decide down the road that you want to try again and then you may regret that you didn't get checked. Besides which, if there really were a problem, and the doctor was able to fix it, maybe you would decide to try again with the knowledge that it is unlikely to happen again. Either way, I think it is the Lord you must trust when making this decision, not your emotions. |
| I am very sorry about your losses. I have got the similar experience. I have just lost my second baby 5 days ago. My first miscarriage was 6 months ago. It is very very terrible. I am very disappointed and I am afraid to try again since I cannot bear another deeply hurt again. I feel that you are very very brave. But how about me? It is too traumatic. God does not promise that we will have another baby. If we do not try, we will not have another one but we have to take the risk to be hurt and hurt again. Does it worth? |
| It does hurt a lot, doesn't it? But even though I don't feel like trying again right now, I think I probably will be ready to try again in a few months. It seems like there is no joy without risk. I think there's a good chance you will decide to try again someday; but there's no rush. Just take some time to heal (emotionally and physically), and ask God to show you when the right time is. And (the hard part) be ready to trust Him with the outcome, whether it is a healthy baby or another miscarriage. You may never feel totally ready to deal with this again, but believe that God will be there for you, just as He is now. And know that He is in control, and whatever He brings into your life is for a reason, for your ultimate good. Hang in there. |
| Thank you for
responding to my message. I know this is very difficult and I have struggled
with fears during the last year as to if I should try again. I won't have
a child unless I try again, but is it worth the pain again. I agree with
your words. You are also right that God has not promised me or anyone the
right to bear a child. We take this for granted, but it is not a promise
to have children.
God does have
several promises for
us that can comfort or make or decision easier.
These are a few promises, but after learning these and taking them to heart, not just knowing them, but believing them, I can go on without fear of the unknown. God is in control, why should I try to be? I hope this continues to strengthen your faith. If you would like to e-mail me, please do. Your pain is renewed with this recent m/c. Allow God's promises to heal your heart. |
Sharing 3
: Depression seems coming back
04-15-2000 07:08
| Dear friends,
Today my depression seems coming back. I don't know what are the reasons. May be I have to visit my doctor to follow-up my recovery, to talk about the tests after miscarriages; may be I have to go back to school next week; may be I have finished part of the memorial page of my babies; may be today I go with my two little cousins and my sister to a party full of little children........ I feel that something will be happen and my depression feeling become stronger and stronger. May be my first baby would be born on May 2 if it still be here!! |
| Try not to be too hard on yourself. You will experience many up and down feelings. That is part of dealing with depression. You feel good one day and then depressed the next. Prayer will help. I read your post on the other board saying that you doubt the power of prayer because things go as they please anyway. But even though you doubt, it is still necessary and it will help. The purpose of prayer is not to get the outcome that you want, it is to bring yourself into the presence of God. God's presence is the only sure way to cure depression. I'm speaking from experience. I had depression for two years before the miscarriage and still sometimes deal with it (mostly when I have neglected to pray and to read my Bible). I encourage you to try to pray no matter how you feel. Following God's commands are an act of love and obedience, trusting Him for His wisdom. We should never make decisions to obey as a result of FEELINGS, but as a result of our love and commitment to our Lord. If you are having trouble praying, try praying the Psalms out loud.Or pray other Scripture verses. If we fail to bring ourselves into the presence of God, we will surely find ourselves in the presence of the enemy. |
| It is difficult to face the different things you mentioned (children's party, due date coming up soon, etc.) and not feel sad. As women who have lost their precious babies there will always be reminders of what could have been. The only way I know to get through these things is to hold tight to the Lord. Although it may not feel like it, after experiencing such a painful loss, the Lord is with you right now. He is longing to comfort you and to strengthen you. I know this as He has seen me not only through the loss of my baby but also through the loss of both of my parents. It will take time and there will always be days that come up when there will be sadness but we must continue to reach for Him who loves us, He is our joy and our salvation. I am praying that you will once again find comfort in your relationship with our loving Father and that you will be able to pray with an open heart. I am thinking of you. God Bless. |
| Thanks a lot for your replies. It is really supportive that you show me the love of God and His promises. I am so sorry that I still cannot "connect" with God. I do not pray for I do not know what should be said between us (may be it is just a pretext) I just doubt about the "power" of prayer as the Bible says. Things just go as they like!! |
| It's easy to doubt the power of prayer, because many times we pray, and do not receive what we asked for. This hurts a lot when it is something so important as the life of our little ones. But I have learned that the one I am praying to is my loving heavenly Father, and that He has a plan for the world, and for me, that I do not always understand. But knowing how much He loves me, I am able to trust Him, even when He answers my prayers with "No, my child." I think unanswered prayer is one of the great struggles of this life. But in a way it is a blessing, because it drives us to get to know the Father more intimately, rather than relying on the "power of prayer", like it is a force we can call on when something happens that we can't handle. We learn to rely on Jesus all the time. Blessings to you. |
| Dear friends,
I have visited my doctor yesterday for the follow check-up of D&C. The doctor said that there was no more clots in the uterus. We asked for the tests. But he strongly disagreed us to do such tests since he thought that it just waste money. Mostly, miscarriages happened only because there were some "mistakes" of the babies. He said that if we insist, we can have the blood tests 3 months later. He just encouraged me to conceive again after my heart has been healed and visit him again. I did not answer him since I do not know when should be the right time or what should be the right decision. |
| I just want
to encourage you to think and pray about having those tests, no
matter what your doctor says. Do what YOU and YOUR HUSBAND want to do, no matter what your doctor might think. Most doctors will tell you that testing is a waste of money, but a good doctor will honor your wishes. Contrary to what many doctors would lead you to believe, this is a human life we are talking about and I don't think that a person should necessarily wait for several babies to die before they begin to get testing. You have already had TWO and he should be willing if you desire this. I'm not telling you to have the testing, but encouraging to do what YOU think is best. YOU are the babies' parents and you are the only ones who know what is best for you and your children, not the doctor. Don't let him talk you out of doing what you think is best. |
| I agree with Ms. J, don't let your doctor make that decision for you. My doctor is very insistent on doing tests. He says that if there is something else wrong then maybe it can be corrected. I feel very strongly about having the tests done. You will be in my prayers. |
| I too am praying that you and your husband will make a decision about the testing that is right for you. You have lost two precious babies and I know how worried you are about going through such a loss again, the tests may give you some answers. Of course it is your decision, yours and your husbands, don't let anyone else make it for you, not even your doctor.Prayers are with you. Let us know how you are. |
